Love In Time Of Adversity

Challenging Young Minds

Education compared to the days when I was in first grade, which seemed like … wait a minute … it was ions ago, has changed drastically. 

I witness what my daughter has to contend with already with my five year old grandson, Nicholas and it astounds me the pressuring expectations our educational system places on not only young parents, but their children.

I agree that school should be a time of learning, however, whatever happened to fun?  Shouldn’t it be naturally engaging, exciting and appropriate to the degree it meets the level of such young minds and not frustrate the heck out of them?  Granted most parents nowadays start their children off in some kind of preschool program to learn socialization skills and some basics, which is great.

Have you seen first grade math lately though?  It boggles my mind when I look at work sheets that weren’t introduced to us until the later grades.  Most educators today will stand true to the ideology children who do well very early on in their elementary years more likely will graduate and live successful lives.  Well, we turned out plenty of physicists, doctors and engineers back then without overtaxing young minds.  The concept of slowly transitioning our children into learning has literally been thrown out the window with the bath water. 

 

According to the Common Core State Standards Initiative, it’s important our five year olds instructional time should focus on four critical areas: (1) developing understanding of addition, subtraction, and strategies for addition and subtraction within 20; (2) developing understanding of whole number relationships and place value, including grouping in tens and ones; (3) developing understanding of linear measurement and measuring lengths as iterating length units; and (4) reasoning about attributes of, and composing and decomposing geometric shapes.

Kind of makes you wonder if we’re setting our expectations way too high and laying the stress onto our children way before they need to start contending with it.

Wanting A Child

Nina Paley is a wonderfully gifted cartoonist.  I came across this very humorous masterpiece recently and it got me to thinking.  How many reasons I’ve heard for someone wanting to be a parent? 

I’m sure you’ve heard one or two of them yourself:  my biological clock is ticking, we have a girl and want a boy, would like someone to carry on our family name, my parents want grandchildren, a child will make our marriage stronger or, I might regret it later when it’s too late.

And then, you have the other end of the spectrum.  According to the American Pregnancy Association, infertility affects 10% of couples of childbearing age in the United States.  It’s staggering the number of loving couples who so desperately want to be parents and can’t.  They leave no stone unturned in their efforts to give birth to a child whether it be through egg freeze, finding a surrogate mother to carry a fetus, IVF (invitro fertilization), embryo transfer, surgery and acupuncture to name a few.  

For decades the stigma associated with infertility was extremely devastating and shamefully embarrassing.  Not any more. Thankfully, that “hushed” and uncomfortable topic is no longer a grave offense one has to carry because continued global research and development is changing that hopeless option to a reality.  Comforting, nurturing, reassuring experiences and high success rates are making dreams of parentage come true where once there were none. 

What Not To Say To Children

We all have done it ... in that one split moment where we have spewed out words and lashed out in the heat of the moment.

Words cut just as deep and sometimes the scars can cause damaging affects for a life time.  Children especially are sensitive, extremely naive and vulnerable to our words and actions.  What you say, they believe with all their heart.  Hurtful phrases can trigger severe feelings of resentment and damage their self-esteem and self-worth well into their adult lives.

Here are some things you should really think twice about before you let them pass from your lips.  Remember, when dealing with children and young teens, it's what you say and how you say it that leaves a lasting impression.  Make your words count.

Can't You Try Harder ~ If you're not satisfied with their efforts during sports, dance class or school, they certainly won't be motivated any more and left discouraged.  "That was a wonderful effort.  I'm so proud of you.  How about maybe try it this way?"  Be encouraging ... show ... be supportive.

Do You Really Need To Eat That - Eat More ~  Might as well just say they have a weight problem.  If anything, this will foster a negative body image.  Even if you say they're picky or great eaters, young minds translate your meaning differently.

You Always/Never ~ Keep this phrasing out of your comments.  Instead try, "You seem to have some difficulty with that.  What can I do to help?  It's ok it didn't work.  Let mommy help show you how."

"Why Can't You Be More Like ~ Lord!  This will certainly make them harbor feelings of not being worthy and pit them against the rival you created in their mind.  Try to be encouraging in whatever they do.  Otherwise, it makes them feel like they'll never measure up, never be good at anything.

Don't Worry/Cry, It Will Be Fine ~ This dismisses their fears, their worry and how they are truly feeling.  They're still going to worry.  Ask them why they are worried.  Get them to talk about it.   Tell them you understand and there for them.  Let them know it may be scary because it's new but it might surprise them and be a lot of fun.  Let them know they need to at least try and you'll be there if it doesn't work out.

Do As I Say/Because I Told You So ~ Might as well just hit them over the head.  You aren't giving them a chance to figure things out for themselves and making the right decision with just dictating.  You'll make them harbor feelings of defiance and what they think doesn't matter.  If for example they want to play/hang out with friends and not go visit Gramma with you try, "Gramma loves and misses you and it's important we spend time with her because she doesn't see you often."

Just Let Me Do It ~ When your child volunteers and wants to help, don't slap them down if they don't do it right.  "That was great sweetie!  Let me show you another cool way."